Little Alexx Blog

I am shocked at the fact I’m 24. No really. Just shocked. I don’t feel 24, so that’s a good thing I supposed? I’m a year wiser and damn, what a year.

I believe the future fate of this blog is that when I am really really really happy, I don’t blog and when I’m really really sad I say too damn much.

Well. I’m back here to give my once a month update that I am indeed the most happy!! I am currently snug as a bug doing work on the couch waiting for my man to come home from the gym. Life is sweet.

To recap, Thanksgiving was a hit and very proud to announce we survived the 30 hour round trip drive to Missouri from South Carolina. It was practice for the 25 hour drive from PA to Colorado, but more on that later.

The past few weeks I have been in PA and Colorado. Whew. What even is my life right now???

Well. Let’s take a look at the past year. I started last year sick in bed with the flu in Missouri (fun!) and still nursing a bit of a jaded heart.

The spring was a world wind of hell thanks to what I would like to blame on hormones and Satan IUD.

Summer was a rush, of me finishing my masters, doing the whole single thing. (Yeah yeah, that sure lasted long. First date, I was one and done). From going to Puerto Rico on the third date and “taking things slow”, my fall and winter have flown by.

I began my dream job doing what I love, teaching history!!!! Week 1 is almost done and I’m on cloud 9!!!!

And now, the day after my birthday. Yesterday was sweet. After teaching my classes, my man surprised me by picking me up on campus on his motorcycle (uh yeah, we are the coolest) and took me to lunch and dessert. After, we took our little Hemy boy on a walk to the beach and watched dolphins. The day ended with a big hot bath and honestly just the best time with my boys

Time flies when you’re happy. Happy is an understatement. I understand now what I have been missing for so long. And it’s funny, because it really sneaks up on you. That’s a story for a later time, but rest assured, it will be a story I’ll be happy to tell as many times as possible.

Ah. My (late) end of the year wrap up. No one does a wrap up better than Spotify though. I feel like they are my damn therapist, how well they know me. “Take no shit” was my mantra. I kicked that shit to the curb baby. Thank you very much! This year I weeded out the snakes and the bad apples. Amen!! And in their place, I grew a really pretty garden full of those who love me.

I feel like being a badass, kickass woman can be exhausting sometimes. I love being a woman. I love being feminine. I have fallen more in love with my femininity recently because I know I have a safe space to do so. In the past, I feel like I had to take on the more demanding, aggressive, and forceful side in my interactions. I felt like I was constantly on the defense, not wanting to ever wanting to be blindsided with a punch.

But it’s exhausting.

During yoga a few weeks ago, I was reminded that while during class, we were making our bodies stronger, the real workout was by making our hearts softer. The inner voice telling me I am not enough had gotten too harsh. She was flat out mean. Emotionally, my hands had been up for too long trying to block a emotional punch, rather than being open for an embrace.

This began to change this year. My hyper independence, my hyper individiuasm was in fact going to be reason why my relationship wasn’t going to work. So. My new mantra for 2022 is to stay soft. I feel like we have this negative connotation to softness. It’s usually parallel to being weak, or at least that is what I would think. Being soft is weak, being strong is being hard, tough, willing to take on whatever. Nah. Soft is what I am manifesting. I want to be so overly soft, so kind, so overwhelming loving. I want to melt.

It’s not easy. I slip back into more harshness; it gets the job done, maybe I feel more safe? But does it really…? I’m not convinced. I think I owe it to myself to make my life work more peacefully. I’m ready to make this year sweet.

https://youtu.be/3y1OUBujw4w

Stay kind. Stay loving. Stay soft.

blessing, a