In honor of it being the first week of mental health awareness month, I’d like to start out by saying that mental, health. matters. These past few weeks honestly freaked me out. Since coming back home from spring break and jumping right back into work and school, I have been overwhelmed, to say the least. I have gotten more invested in my workouts, (Hello, HOT GIRL SUMMER!!!) and I have been working like a psycho on school stuff, only have 1 more class after this set… then, it’s time to get thesis work going.
The past few weeks have been mentally draining and emotionally killing me. To be honest, I got on birth control for the first time about 6 months ago. I’d like to add that this is my personal experience and while not everyone has had a bad experience on birth control, I did. I just wish I had maybe read up a bit more on the not so great experiences before I tried it out myself. After weighing all of my options, trying to figure out which one would be the best for me, I finally decided on the Mirena IUD, which was low hormone and lasted 5 years. Basically, it was supposed to be a low impact, no maintance and after hearing some of my friends experiences, it seemed like a great idea. Everyone’s bodies are different though. For me, I have never been on any medication and I react super easily to substances, caffeine, alchol, etc; For example, I only take Nyquil when I am really really sick because I will literally sleep for 16 hours straight. Anything besides water hits me hard!
I wasn’t too concerned about the IUD. I’ll be honest with you. The procedure itself was not fun, at all. I’d like to think that I am kinda okay with pain, 6 tattoos later… But this was a totally different kind of pain. As dramatic as I am, I really like to keep a straight face, for my pride’s sake…. Yeah, well.. I definitely did not do that. As the doctor was inserting it, she was guiding my breathing (ummm, I don’t think I could ever give birth without insane medication???) explaining what was happening, I was just so freaking nervous and without even stopping myself, a few groans escaped my mouths, as well as me trying to catch my breath. After, they let me lay with a heating pad because already the cramps were pretty severe.
I was able to drive home, but honestly, I felt sick the entire way back and took the rest of the weekend completely vegging out on the couch. For probably a month or two, on and off, I was dealing with cramps that made me have to catch my breath and lay down for the rest of the day. Well, 6 months in and I was still having problems with cramping, getting super dizzy, feeling nauseous, and feeling honestly super yucky. I was just not… me. It wasn’t until about 4 or 5 months in that I felt like there was a huge shift in my mood and mental health, in a negative way.
I’m gonna be honest here, my life here is pretty damn sweet. I have a great job, I love where I live, I’ve got amazing people in my life, and I am pretty happy with what I’ve got going on right now….
I am honest about my mental health on here, because I think that although on the outside someone can look like they have it together or their life looks picture perfect because of how they portray it on social media, it doesn’t always mean that everything is as pretty as the filter.
Take this picture below.
Not even 12 hours later, I was on my bedroom floor mid panic attack. You honestly just can’t know what someone else has going on in their life.
Life is sweet, although has its frustrating times, but in general, I’m a damn lucky gal. But.. I felt like the past few months, I was getting deeper and deeper in my head and problems. I like to think that while I can be sensitive about things, there are some people in this world, that with one look, they could make me cry(not in a bad or scary way, but because they have such an empathetic soul, ie, Joe White), I think I’ve got pretty thick skin? Alexandra for the past 6 months was getting her feelings hurt left and right. One joke and I was beyond offended. I was easily overwhelmed. I felt like my words were harsher and I could easily lose my temper (more so than usual)….I was apathetic, easily annoyed, and honestly, bitchy. I had more bad days than good days over the course of a few months, which to me, is disappointing. That is so not me. Not only that, I was filled with this never ending sense of dread and anxiety. I would wake up in the middle night with my stomach in knots, worrying about the smallest things, freaking out over things I could not control and quite frankly, I was really messing with my every day function and screwing with my relationships.
I like to think I have a steady understanding of what makes Alexandra tick, what I know I must do or I would totally spiral to utter depression (making sure I go work out, making sure I have social time, eating good food, etc). It wasn’t until about 2 weeks ago, when I had absolutely not interest in anything other than sleeping that I had to kinda shake myself back to reality and say, ‘Alexandra damn it. Come on now. We are NOT going down this road’. The next day, I called my doctor and freaking got the IUD removed. I am not joking when I said that I walked out of the office and felt like the sun rays of God himself was shining on me. Since then, I have been honestly so surprised with how I feel. It’s been a week and already I feel like my body is resetting to the way it’s supposed to function, thank God. I feel more myself. SO. Here I am, feeling so much better. The end of the school year is just a few days away, grad school is slowly coming to an end, and a new chapter in my life is starting to begin!! I’ve got some high hopes that its going to be insane and wonderful, wrapped up in one.
Today’s Mantra:
“I AM just taking everyday one at a time. Breathe in. Breathe out.”
blessings, a
Little Alexx Blog 