Little Alexx Blog

I feel like every week I try to get my blog out on Tuesday, but every week something happens that stop me. Due to my job, I was able to receive my Covid vaccine and while I’ll admit, I nervous to get it, I took it. Well. Let’s just say that holy shit, it was not fun. But, before I get too deep into self pity of my yet again near death experience, let me first begin with last week and work my way forward. Last week, I was feeling pretty dang good about myself. Life has been stressful, busy, but more importantly, sweet. Extremely sweet actually. The weather is changing, I am currently out in the sun and heat typing this up, and summer is just around the corner. Then… yeah. I kinda just, stumbled. I have realized that I need way more sleep than what I get and if I don’t get enough of it, my mind decides to completely shut down on me, including my emotions. I like to think I keep my emotions relatively in check?

Sometimes… Anyways, yeah I kinda just stumbled. Saturday I felt like someone had just kinda pushed me down and I was just stuck for the rest of the weekend. I went and bought some new plants (sorry mama and J!!!! I have a problem and I can’t stop!!!!)

By Sunday night, I was emotionally drained and was desperately missing some sense of normalcy. I was saved by my mama. She came into town on Monday, ubering over to school to grab my car to take to drive around, and honestly just hugging her gave me back that energy and good feelings I had realized I had been missing. My mom is the funniest person to be around, aside from me. As I am growing up, I am realizing how much I am just like her, down to the way we throw back out heads and laugh, to the crinkle in our nose when we smile really hard. It felt good to just be able to sit in front of her and talk. I haven’t seen her since Christmas and I desperately was missing home. When we got home, the house felt full of life, with the high energy of my mother sweeping through. She had bought a ridiculous amount of groceries after taking a look at me and knowing I was in need of a mama homemade meal. We laughed too hard, ate way too much, and ended the night together in bed, Hemy beyond thrilled that his favorite person ever was back to tell him he could do no wrong. I am not used to sleeping with anyone normally, but Hemy and especially someone who snores as loud as much as my mother does, but while the snore did keep me slightly awake and Hemy was bummed to be kicked out of his favorite spot in bed, I felt like a kid again, oddly enough.

On Tuesday, mom drove me to school so she could have the day to herself with the car and that was the day that I got the J&J one shot vaccine. So, the shot itself honestly hurt. I won’t lie about that. I was a bit surprised that I thought it hurt as bad as it did, considering I have 6 tattoos (sorry Yiayia). After that though, yeah my arm was sore, but I think I was more busy thinking about my busy afternoon schedule to really focus on any symptoms… till later. I had a wedding photo shoot after work that I rushed downtown to get to, and while the pictures are going to be lovely and I had a great time, by the end of the afternoon, I was not doing so hot. By the time I got home, I was beyond sick. I was burning up with a fever but couldn’t seem to get warm enough. I lost count how long I stood in the shower blasting the hot water on my body trying to stop shivering. It was so strange, just how quickly I got sick. So, I felt bad for my mom mostly because she was staying with me in bed and when I was tell you I was sweating, I was SWEATING (yes, gross, whatever, get over it.) By the time I woke up the next day, aside from just physically being tired, I felt like a new woman. Yes. A new woman. I had the day off, so mama and I walked the beach and enjoyed hot coco and pastries in the sun. I am absolutely blessed to be living where I live. After, we went and got all cutesy and got ready to spend the rest of the day downtown. We stopped at Amen Street Raw Fish Bar and it was yummyyyy!! We sat perfectly outside in the sun, palm trees around us and enjoyed amazing seafood. I know that many don’t think of Charleston as a ‘tropical’ location, but compared to Missouri, everywhere is tropical. Plus, it is like an unwritten rule in my family that whenever we are by the ocean, we always get seafood. How can you not?? I gave mama the grand tour of Charleston, making her walk miles and miles and miles. We shopped till we dropped. And the entire time we did so, I definitely told everyone I came into contact with I was vaccinated. Yes, I am very excited about it. I gotta get my booty to Germany this summer!!!!!!!!! (more on that at a later date)

So, after shopping, we finally agreed on a place for dinner, right on the water, Fleet Landing, where we watched the most beautiful sun and watched the sailboats look like they were skirting the cotton candy looking water, reflecting the sky. It was a perfect ending to a great day. By the time I got home, I honestly was so worn out that I passed right out. The following day, I felt this weird brain fog, that my coworkers also experienced, post vaccine. By the later afternoon though, I was feeling so much better and got all dressed up to take my mama to historic Shem Creek for dinner at Tavern and Table. First off, I haven’t been to Shem since summer and I had forgotten how beautiful and fun it was down there. We got there in perfect time to watch the sunset and eat amazing food. We are foodies in my family, 100%. We did a whole lotta talking and it was good to be able to just talk. As I have recently found out about myself, if I have an inner conflict or problem, I just need to talk it out. Which is probably why I really enjoy talk therapy so much, as well as why I find sanctuary in journaling and blogging. I can just keep talking and eventually I can talk myself out of my problem. Oh and of course it helps when your mom is a therapist. I really like a good backboard to bounce my ideas and thoughts off of, and she is the perfect backboard, both professional and also someone who knows me (and loves me) enough to answer in a productive way. Anyways, I feel a ton better and I am so glad that I was able to have mama come visit me. By the time we got home, we were exhausted but watched an episode of our favorite (her favorite, I just love to make fun of him) guy ever, Steven Segal. Please enjoy this bit from my favorite comedian, Tom Segura. You will die laughing because I was in literal tears.

I took mama to the airport early early this morning and said our goodbyes. Thankfully, neither of us cried, because one thing about our family, we cannot stop crying. When one of us cries, all of us cry. Example. We were all home for Christmas this past year and I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I honestly think it was my weak ass that started to tear up from sheer happiness of being all together again after such a shitty year, because this is what age brings me, emotions, tummy aches, and weak knees, and when everyone was “making fun of me” for crying, it is usually just their way of distracting themselves from also crying, the wall of protection slipped, and one by one, mom and then Bella, and then Popou, and Nick and Yiayia, we were all there together crying. OVER ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Our non related guests were extremely confused but I think they were crying as well. We just really really love our family, as much as we can annoy each other. I am so beyond blessed.

https://youtu.be/pXyGvqk-jhA

Today’s Mantra:

“I AM good enough.”

blessings, a