Little Alexx Blog

Death came a-knockin’ again…. but didn’t want me. I have decided to start each blog post with that every time I have a near death experience. Makes it more dramatic and also consistent. Hang in here with me.

I had a full blog post planned last week and man, it was pretty dang cheery, about how happy I was with my life. I legit was the real version of the Spider-Man scene where he is happily walking around and then falls. Literally me. I decided to have possibly the worst case of food poisoning ever recorded in human history. I honestly don’t really eat a ton of meat, and almost never eat red meat (hurts my tummy) but I was craving a taste of home and decided to make stuffed peppers on Wednesday night Everything was great, super yummy, but the next day, I just felt… off. To spare the details, I kinda felt awful, promised myself I would never eat meat again, and went about my day. No sweat, I’m a warrior. Fast forward to me getting dinner downtown on Thursday night and all was well… until it wasn’t. I don’t know if it was the few oysters I started to eat or what, but I all of a sudden felt very ill. You know in movies when the character who is sick all of a sudden gets ghost pale? I literally saw myself in the mirror as I sat there, sweating and turning white. It was honestly terrifying looking. I all but RAN home. By the time I got home, I was feeling, eh, a little better but still rough. I got into bed and slept for an hour until I was woken up by the fury of the Lord and literally DIED starting at 11pm.

I don’t do being sick. And I especially don’t do being sick by myself. I am a baby in regards to sickness. I’m a kick ass woman, who don’t need no man, but when I’m sick, I need my mama. I need support and motivation that all will be well. Yeah I didn’t have that. My bedroom is upstairs and a long ways away from the kitchen and I knew I had to get something in my body, crackers or chips… all I had was graham crackers in my purse, all the way across the room from me. So, by this time, it was like 3 am. I had been slipping in and out of consciousness but knew I had to do something. So, with all of my might and the talent that could be perhaps compared to the take of Normandy, I army crawled to my purse, passed out there for a hot minute, and army crawled back to my little nest I made for myself on the bathroom floor. Unsurprisingly, bathroom tile is extremely uncomfortable to sleep on, and even more uncomfortable to faint on. (Yes. I fainted. I fainted like a dainty little woman and BUSTED up my shoulder. More on that later.)

We’ve all seen the Wolf of Wallstreet, right? The famous Lamborghini Scene? That was me, minus the copious amount of drugs. I was sure God was smiting me. I’d like to think I have been a good person in my life but in those weakened moments, I must have done something terrible in a past life, because I was sure that my life was going to end with me half naked on the bathroom floor with a half eaten graham cracker in my hand. And before you ask, Hemingway could not have been the least bothered by me. That little bastard slept through everything, his sleep not disturbed by his mother’s impending death.

It wasn’t until about 4 or 5 when I FINALLY got ahold of someone and a friend came and found me half naked on the ground, shaking for dear life, and rushed me to the hospital. When I tell you I was on deaths doorstep, I couldn’t walk by myself, I don’t remember actually getting to the hospital, and they put me in a wheelchair. Me!!! In a wheelchair! Miss Independent!! I do remember sitting in the waiting area, wanting to cry 1. I thought I was going to die and I had so much more life to live. 2. I couldn’t keep my head up, so it just kept rolling to different sides. 3. My friend was filling out paperwork and I felt so alone but because I was so dehydrated, it was just sounded like little weird guttural sounds coming from my throat. At this point though, I couldn’t stay awake so I must have sounded like a new born baby soothing itself to sleep and waking up again to falling asleep again. Yes. Extremely sexy.

What seemed like 7 years and also 7 seconds, I was in a hospital bed, had been changed into a hospital gown, and the sweet nurse (god bless the whole staff there) was so nice to me as I was breathlessly asking her what she was doing to me. She said she was going to take some blood and my immediate action was to cry and beg her not to take too much. By the time I woke up again, after passing out again, she had her vials and was setting me up with the IV. Mind you, I have never had an IV so I was a bit worried. Needles don’t really freak me out, I have too many tattoos for that, but in my weird little dehydrated alien mind, I was extremely paranoid as to what was happening. No clue why. There was a lot of crying involved, but also, I had no water left in my body, so I wasn’t actually producing any tears. It was pretty pathetic. The meds they pumped through me directly took not even 2 minutes to completely zonk me out. The last thing I remember was my friend asking how to spell my name to fill out paperwork and the letters A-L-D-R…. were the last things I remember.

I woke up high as hell. Life was good. I could maybe run a marathon, and everyone was beautiful (I did not have my contacts in and had left my glasses at home, so I was virtually blind) I know I looked absolutely stunning, with my tear streaked face, my extremely messy clump of hair on my head, oxegyn tubes under my nose, and my hospital gown half off my body. (Yeah I flashed everyone coming in and out of my room! Nice Alexandra, real classy) I took a photo of myself but I refuse to ever let anyone see it, but trust me when I say that I have never seen myself more beautiful in my entire life and I am being 100% sarcastic.

Me getting driven home was a great fun experience because I was all of a sudden an expert on absolutely everything. If you know me at all, you know I’m a talker. But me on nice medicine takes me to the next level on talking.. I was having a great time. I couldn’t see shit but I was using my hands to tell elaborate stories that were so not true? Calling people, enjoying the music on the radio quite loudly, (every song was MY FAVORITE SONG EVER!!!!) I got home, got into bed, and literally slept the rest of the day and the rest of the night. The devil tried to get me, but I’m still here, babes!!! While my body feels as though a truck ran me over, I am slowly trying to get back to normal. I haven’t been to the gym in a few days, obviously, but trying to get back on my track with my schooling and the rest of my life. It’s been a trip.

It’s one of my favorite weeks of the year, VALENTINE’S DAY WEEK!! I get to see my very best friend this weekend and I am thrilled! Have the very best week! Make food, make out, and make love. Cheers!❤️

https://youtu.be/Pt6ktkXYjf0

Today’s Mantra:

“I AM going to enjoy my love day.”

blessings, a