Little Alexx Blog

Well. Death came a knockin’ but didn’t want me yet. I was horribly sick these past two weeks (one actually sick and the next trying to rebuild my strength) and while I had every intention of blogging last Tuesday, I felt as though I was going to die, and in my fever struck delirium, wondered if someone would find me before my dog decided to eat me. Dramatic, I know. It was a hard week, being sick, juggling living alone, and trying to take care of both myself and my pup. Whew. But I’m back, still kicking and screaming.

What I wanted to share last week was that Hemingway turned 1!!!! And yes. I threw him a big ole birthday party at the dog park, with party hats for him and all of his puppy friends, (he has more friends than me), and his very own birthday cake! The pictures are nothing short of preciousness. Please enjoy.

Aside from my sweet puppy turning 1 and myself becoming extremely ill, it has been a relatively good week. Two weeks ago, I brought back up a reoccurring theme in my therapy session that I still can’t seem to fully wrap my head around. Vulnerability. What do you think about when you hear that? For me, I am totally turned off by the word. Ew. Being open? Gross! Taking risks?? Yuck! I’m sure if you’ve ever read any of my blogs, you’d think, well she’s pretty vulnerable to us! Well… yes and no. While I do share things on this blog, it’s completely within my control what is shown and how much I wish to tell you. While it seems like I’m being vulnerable, I’m really just touching surface level topics at my own rate. Of course, nothing wrong with that, the internet isn’t my open diary (sometimes) and I believe certain things should stay private (maybe). However, I also believe I owe it to you to express my feelings to a certain degree. My thought process is that if I am feeling this type of way, and going through these issues, it’s gotta be a problem that at least SOMEONE can relate to. I’m not that special to think I’m the only one who hasn’t ever been heartbroken or had a misfortunate time at a job.

I think through every season of life, we grow and learn and hopefully push ourselves to be better, and this season in my life, I have come to a better understanding of slowing things down and just trying to enjoy where I’m at. Even this past week, it’s been amazing weather and as I count down the days till I graduate (currently 65 days!!! Woo!!Irealized, holy shit. I’m leaving here and never coming back?? That’s crazy. I’ve spent the last 4 years here making memories on every square inch of this campus (even if I remember it or not, sorry mom!) And now it’s… almost done?) But that’s extremely difficult, when you’re working working working to your next stage in life, to sit back and enjoy what you have in front of you. I’m pretty damn good at multitasking, but even this concept is difficult for me.

Honestly, the point of writing this blog is to reiterate just how much I think my writing is needed. Maybe not for you, but for me. As I look at the past 3 years of writings, almost every single week, I totally cringe as one does when looking through old diary entries, remembering exactly what happened in certain situations, that I didn’t write about, but remember happening. I read the stupidly hilarious stories that happen to me, from flinging my coins into the toll booth, only to have them thrown into the wind, causing a major backup on the highway due to my car literally exploding on the road, to having the misfortune of experiencing the weirdest things possible. My life isn’t always beautiful filters and gorgeous sunsets. Sometimes it’s dark days and rainy night. But the beauty of it, is that no matter what, I still can look back, and think, damn, all of that, made me this. Who I am today, writing to you.

Don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable at times. It’s scary, it’s heartbreaking, it’s beautiful.

https://youtu.be/-WlK6oA8sAg

Today’s Mantra:

“I AM moving forward.”

Blessings, a