Little Alexx Blog

Every year, I give myself a word, a mantra if you will. I learned this from my mama. In 2019, my word of the year was Sincerity. I wanted to be present and in the moment, something I felt was lacking at the end of 2018. Which, while I struggled to make the most of it sometimes, as everyone does, I think I really tried.

While I am almost a month into 2020, and I’ve already had a few mini break downs, (hello 15 hour drive to and from Florida… gives ya a long time to really THINK), I have figured out what my word for this year is.

Uncomfortable. While some pick peace or love, I chose a seemingly negative word. Why, you ask? Because I have tried my hardest to be as comfortable as possible, scared of being hurt. This year, as I have overstated in every blog post this month, will be the year in which I am going to be really uncomfortable. Hell. I’ve already experienced it, and I haven’t even left yet.

As I discussed with my best gal last night, over the bachelor (yeah, don’t judge), I have so many options. Now. If you know me at all… you know that Alexandra HATES unlimited options. Give me like, 3 to pick from, and I’m golden (it’s very difficult dating me, because I never know where I want to go for dinner, but that’s a different blog post for another time). I can go anywhere, I can live anywhere. And I can do ANYTHING. Wow, freedom!! ABSOLUTE TERROR.

But by golly, and yeah I just said that, holy shit, I’m finally free. I’ve spent 22 years doing exactly what I needed to do, being where I needed to be, doing for others, and this will be the first time in my life, I can do whatever I want.

So how does that fit with being uncomfortable? Well. I’m a bit of an introvert about certain things. I’m nice enough, but like. How do adults make friends? I’m assuming through work, and going out, and being apart of clubs and groups, but I’ve become something of a shy girl, until you get to know me, but I don’t know. It’s just really…. uncomfortable sometimes. You catch my drift?

I chose uncomfortable, not in a negative way, but in a way that I know it will make me grow as a person. I loved and learned, got my heart shattered, and picked it back up, but I’d like to constantly growing, and maturing, and yes, be willing to lose and to fall down, and to be heartbroken again. For me, and for a lot of people, that’s really uncomfortable.

I’m more hopeful than I’ve been in months. Maybe it’s because I just got back from being in the sunshine for a week, or the fact that Arkansas had 2 days in a row that it got over 55 degrees, but man. I’m ready. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared shitless, but wow. I can’t wait to be looking back at this post this time next year and hopefully thinking, You did it. You really did it.

https://youtu.be/8Rb1DdxA2b8

Today’s Mantra:

” I AM ready to fail and to flourish.”

Blessings, a