Little Alexx Blog

What can I say? The days are kicking my ass and I barely hit the pillow before I’m asleep.

I was invited to a women’s church meeting last night by my good friend Emma and I gotta admit, when I said yes to going, I was notttt feeling it. First off, I’m not the women’s meet up at a church and talk about our feelings type of girl. If you know me at all, younger me would have run so far from that. However, I had the night off from work, and when she called, yeah, I couldn’t say no. Because I can’t ever say no. *I’m working on it* Also. It was a huge distraction from me having to work on my midterms and applications for grad school.

So, I say yes. And the entire time I was getting ready, I’m was thinking, gah, this is such a bad idea. How am I suppose to act? What am I supposed to say? Don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly okay in social settings, except this particular setting. I knew I was going to be the odd man out.

So, this event was for women 20-30 years old to get together, eat some food, and listen to a speaker and have discussion. Thankfully I had Emma there, but I will admit, I was extremely outside of my comfort zone. The entire time I wanted to be home with my dog working on the million things I had to do…. but then the topic on the screen pulled up. ‘Rest’, it said, in bold white letters painted across the black background.

Psffff… rest. Oh okay! Good one. Me? Rest? My entire core literally giggled. Yeah that’s a great idea for some of you, but not this girl. I’ve got places I wanna see and things I want to do. I’ll rest when I’m dead.

It was then as if the world decided to hit me at once and force me to listen. I was having a good time, joking with the women, trying to make everyone (and myself) comfortable in the only way I knew how, and distract myself from how nervous I was, when all of a sudden, I got very tired. The second wind I thought I had coming for me, was gone. And I was forced to sit and listen. Really listen, to what the guest speaker was talking about.

What is rest for me? As I wrote down a list of my ideas, my eyes wandered over to other women’s notebooks. Aside from the beautiful  calligraphy compared to my chicken scratch that could hardly be considered handwriting, I realized that while I was by far the youngest of these women, with no husband or children and full time job to deal with, we were all feeling the exact same way. Absolutely exhausted.

What is rest? A day off. A vacation, without distractions. Reading a book, waking up feeling like I actually slept, enjoying a quiet meal by yourself, being in bed and falling asleep with your lover.

What is something that stops you from rest?

Well. For me, rest means I have to completely stop what I’m doing. And put it aside. And I just can’t do that. Because if I do that, I’m alone. And god knows I don’t want to be alone. So, it’s a struggle to 100% relax. Even when I’m watching a movie or TV show, I’m still working on something, laptop in hand, responding to texts, entertaining my pup somehow.

For now, I am going to be more mindful of resting. Positive resting. Guilty free resting. Healthy resting.

Spontaneously, I bought a plane ticket to Chicago and I leave Friday and will be gone for a few days. I’m so excited to be getting out of Arkansas and off on a new adventure! Will post more photos next week!

As the weather is getting colder and the days get darker, so can our moods!! Please be mindful and aware of how you’re feeling. Not feeling so good, make the effort to get out and be with others. Maybe this month is the beginning of a new hobby for you! Go out and explore. Just because it’s fall doesn’t mean your mood has to!

Have a wonderful week!
https://youtu.be/bla6v-YM2WM

Today’s Mantra:

“I AM resting to help become the best version of myself.”

Love lots and lots.

Blessings, a