Little Alexx Blog

Hey all! I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving break. Do you ever have that thing in the back of your mind or a stomachache knowing that there is something soon that you don’t really want to do? Well, that has been me all semester. Behold, it is hell week, the week before dreaded finals… Being it is my third year of college, I SHOULD be used to it, but is anyone really “used” to the idea of feeling like you’re continually being run over by a truck for two weeks?

I have been thinking a lot about comparison. I have been comparing a lot.  I have felt very self conscious about myself. Not so much about looks or anything, although I do strive to be better, modeling and such, I worry about who I am and what I am doing. Am I doing enough? I feel late to the game. Sure, I’m doing great in classes and my jobs, but I look at the lives of others and wonder what I could be doing differently to be better? Should I spend more time focusing on my social media, building up my online presence or perhaps quit? Am I being the best in my studies? Am I working hard enough at my jobs? This is the world we live in. It’s all about competition. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. I was talking to mom about it the other day and discussing all of these influencers my age and how successful their business and brands do, and I couldn’t help but think, well of course they are successful! They aren’t going to college full time and working two jobs, and and and….. Not all is fair in this game we call life.

All I can do, is to work on me. Find a way to express myself and my art without fear of judgement or ridicule. Which leads me to today’s blog topic: toxic relationships. Last week, there was no way in hell I was about to even touch this conversation but after a few days of late night conversations, a suspicious wine bottle, and face masks galore, I was able to (partly) wrap my mind around it.

We all have the little angel and demon on our shoulder, one telling us to do the right thing and one telling us to splurge at Target…We also have gut feelings and intuitions. Alas, we are but of the flesh and make decisions that are not always so good for us. These not so good decision are called LESSONS. And thank the lord for them. But man, they have a sting to them. Relationships can start out toxic and there are many many red flags to look for and not ignore because you believe that someone has potential to change and be better. I’m going to let you in on something…Leopards don’t change their spots, my darling. Just as red flags arise in the beginning, something can start out great and it begin wonderfully, but after a while, can become toxic. We are so desperate to maintain a relationship, especially if we have invested in it for 6 months, a year, 5 years, or more, that we are willing let things slide, turn a blind eye, and ignore things. But how is that fair? The word TOXIC has a different meaning to different people. What does toxicity in a relationship mean to you?

On the flip side, we live in an age where if something is broken, we can just buy something new, instead of fixing it. We have millions of potential relationships right at our fingertips. If there is an abundance of something, it isn’t exactly a rarity, right? One bad thing happens and we feel as though the other person is replaceable. Why fix when you can easily get new? It’s lazy. We don’t want to put in the work. It hurts to work, to be better.

Relationships are all about putting in the work. They sure as hell aren’t easy by any means. But the right relationship shouldn’t feel like work. If you love your job, it isn’t just merely a job, it’s a passion. Putting the work into a relationship isn’t merely about getting along with the other person or working through issues. It is about figuring out life with your partner and finding more ways to fall in love with them, every day.

Weirdly enough, everyone around me is currently going through fun little relationship bump or crash and let me tell ya right now, it’s going to be okay. Your life is going to go on, you are perfectly fine by yourself. The world DOES continue to spin and you WILL be happy again. You’re going to have bad days, tears will be shed, there will be moments of doubt, anger, confusion, of wondering if you could have done better, been better.

Keep up the fight. You’re good enough.  You’re kind enough. You’re strong enough. You’re smart enough. You’re beautiful enough. You’re enough.

Be grateful for these lessons. Thank you… next.

Today’s Mantra: 

“I AM grateful for the lessons the Universe has given me.” 

be patient with yourself. Love YOU.

blessings, a