Little Alexx Blog

Let’s discuss how awful of a driver I am. No really, I’m an awful driver, just faking it till I can make it. I’m currently writing this post in one of my favorite coffee shops in Fayetteville, Mama Carmen’s, with a big cup of hot chocolate, trying not to get distracted by this absolutely gorgeous man next to me, while it’s snowing outside. I feel like I’m in Colorado right now, beanie and all.

Now, back to my awful driving history. My mom taught me how to drive at the beautiful age of 14 in her ESCALADE (that’s a hella huge car/military war machine), but of course, I get my loud as hell voice from my mother and I think that’s the real reason I lost all my hearing in my right ear. If it wasn’t the screaming at me to slow down, it was the mom arm/seatbelt over the body. You know the one. Just in case the thick seatbelt that was tested by the car makers didn’t work, my mom’s tiny arm would definitely save my life. What a damn hero.

So, fast forward and I didn’t take my permit test seriously when I was 15, and failed the test, oh  um, 5 times. No biggie. Obviously I have zero shame, because I went and failed my actual driving test twice. The first time, I didn’t even make it out of the parking lot because I almost ran someone over. Whoops. The second time, it was the Thursday before Spring Break of my junior year of high school. I, being the loser I am, was basically the last person in my entire grade who was still having their mom drop and pick them from school. I was determined to get it this time. So, I didn’t hit anyone out of the parking lot, didn’t even attempt to parallel park (because it’s something of the devil’s doing), and got out onto the actual street with other people! I was sweating bullets. The officer who was with me didn’t react to my wit and charm and the most intimidating thing of all, I was so used to my mom yelling out all of her thoughts and emotions about my driving and this officer just wore his sunglasses and didn’t say anything. At least give me a pity laugh?

So, we get to a left hand turn. Now, because there are only 5 versions of the written test for the permit, I basically memorized the answers and didn’t actually retain any of the information, my bad. So, we sit at the red light until it turns green. I’m halfway through the turn when all of a sudden Officer-No Personality screams, “STOP!!!” My face crumpled. I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my cheeks. I had to stop in the middle of the intersection to avoid getting hit and honestly could barely even see through the tears forming in my eyes. So, I basically learned that when the light is green with an open arrow, I have the right away to turn, and if it was a green circle, I could go but I had to give the others the right away. Yeah, honestly, dumb but whatever. So, I didn’t get my license, a second time. Spring break was yet again me relying on other functioning adults to take care of me, because I have the driving skills of a 5 year old.

Skip forward to almost May and I basically had a heart to heart to the officer (not Officer No Personality) and basically told him that since it was my third time to try for my license, if I didn’t pass, I would have to appeal it to the state of Missouri as to why I deserved to actually get my license. I passed the third time with the bare minimum, a beautiful 70%. I DID IT!!

So, now that I have described my history of getting my license, let me explain to you what a gifted driver I am in the real world. So, at the end of my first semester of my freshman year, I called up my best friend Morgan and told her to come with me to Walmart because it was the week before finals and my brain was fried and I honestly just wanted to go buy Play-dough (because why wouldn’t you want to play with Play-dough at 10 o’clock on a Friday night?). So, we were jamming to Machine Gun Kelly’s song “Bad Things” (what a jam), going down the road, and did I mention it was pouring out? Bam. I slid completely into the back of  a frat boy’s 2016 Lexus. My beautiful purple Dodge Neon crumpled up like an accordion. I was fine but I was traumatized, knowing my parents were actually going to kill me. I ran out of the car and hugged the guy who I had hit, (because that’s obviously what you do when you totally wreck your car.) Poor Morgan. I completely left her in the car and because of how it hit, the passenger door was jammed shut and she was virtually stuck in the car yelling for me while I was trying to comfort the poor guy ( who was completely fine.) His car had a small dent in the bumper but my car was totaled. Well, I didn’t really know that until later. I called my parents for the dreaded talk. It was about 20 degrees out and I was wearing leggings, boots, and a sweatshirt. Not the best outfit to wear in freezing rain while we waited for the police and a tow truck. It wasn’t really funny then but now we can laugh about the fact I told my parents I could just slap the hood down and keep driving on it. When it was towed back to Branson, my parents told me that they almost started crying because they were laughing so hard. It was beyond just strapping down anything. Farewell to my sweet sweet purple Dodge Neon. She looked like she went to war but I moved on to bigger and better things. LIKE MY TOYOTA CAMRY. What a beauty, until I yet again ran into someone and busted up my hood. I honestly cannot help the fact that treat every song I sing in the car like I am on tour and the highway is my audience. The moral of these stories are to never drive with me.

Actually, I bring this up  because I have something  to admit.

As of yesterday, I did not know how to use cruise control. Okay. I am an intelligent being, (sometimes) but I looked deep into Jesse’s eyes and asked him if he could explain what cruise control was. We sat in silence for a good 4 minutes, him just staring at me. I let him have his moment. I get it. My only experience with cruise control is from Anchorman 2… I am obviously a very stunted driver. Thank you for your patience with me.

So, I went and saw Penny & Sparrow this past week with Jesse and we had an absolute blast. This two man folk band were not only amazing to listen to, but they were hilarious and humble. What a great show!! I definitely fell asleep for a like 10 minutes and if you listen to the music below, you’ll understand why.

 

Today’s Mantra: 

“Everything is aligning in my favor and I AM Grateful.”

It’s good to laugh at yourself.

love you.

blessings, a