Little Alexx Blog

It has been a very emotional week. I feel as though I have been walking around on the verge of tears, teasing to fall down my face. I originally had planned for this blog post to be about all the yummy places I went to in Chicago, but instead, my heart called for a little deeper of a post.

If you stay up to date with the news at all, you’ll know that this past week, my quiet small town was hit with a tragedy. Branson loves her guests. We absolutely LOVE our tourists. Without you, we wouldn’t be here. I serve at restaurants here and every time I thank a guest and tell them to have a good day, I always tell them to stay safe. It wasn’t until this past week’s events that I realized the depth of my words to the families and couples who chose to dine with us. My heart has ached all week trying to wrap my mind around what took place. Why….. do these types of things happen? One minute you are on a family vacation and the next you are having to unravel the events that took place. No one should visit somewhere only to go home to plan a funeral. Blessings to all of those involved. We keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

I have a habit of running away from sadness, one of the reasons I do not attend funerals. The last funeral I attended was when I was in 6th grade and I lost three great-grandparents all in 2 weeks time. Whether it be out in the world or in my own personal life, I still fight the desire to remain ignorant to my feelings than embrace them. This is a natural process. Who wants to actually FEEL hurt and pain? But let me tell you something…. embrace it and you’ll be free, in more ways than you can imagine.

I have been debating about this in my mind for a few weeks now, on whether or not I should share this, but for the sake of being vulnerable not only with myself but with you, I have decided to go back to therapy.

NOW. LET’S TALK! 

1. Therapy is NOT a sign of weakness.
2. Therapy is NOT always someone laying on a couch talking about why the color yellow makes them sad.
3. Don’t go to a therapist expecting them to ‘fix you’. You are the only person who can do that. Therapists are there to guide you and let you figure it out on your own.

For me, a therapist is someone who doesn’t know me and has a unbiased opinion (as unbiased as possible) and can listen to me talk out and wrestle with what is going on in my heart and mind. My favorite type of session is when I’m talking the whole time and end up solving my own problem without them actually giving me any advice.

Before I get a dozen messages wondering if I’m okay, yes. I am more than okay actually. I’m happy and healthy and achieving my goals. I’m so excited for my JUNIOR year of college (how the hell does time go that fast???????) Just because I’m happy doesn’t mean we don’t need a little bit of unbiased guidance at times. I am a 20 year old woman who is blindly trying to figure out my place in this crazy, tragic, and beautiful world, and I just cannot even possibly conceive of doing it alone.

This isn’t mental health awareness month, but this is a reminder that you don’t have to do this alone.

Blessings to you, my sweet readers. If you’ve read earlier posts of mine, (which I highly suggest you do), you’ll know I first write all my posts in my journal, scratching out the sentences that don’t seem to work and rewriting the words that come from my heart. Some weeks are good and some are bad, but in the end, I’m here. I’m living.

Please feel free to contact me if you need to.

Have a wonderful upcoming week.

Today’s Mantra: 

“I AM finding my way through.” 

don’t be afraid to love.

blessings, A