Little Alexx Blog

No walls, no boundaries. I don’t want to feel trapped. We are all a little trapped in our lives, pasts, personalities, but just HOW trapped are we? Are you free to come and go as you please? For me, I’m trapped in my financial instability. Sometimes I wonder what my life would look if I was just a little bit more financially safe. I imagine I would probably be a little more fit than I am and may or may not already be published. I’d travel without limits, I’d read more than I would sleep and I’d most likely get rid of this ever present new wrinkle on my forehead. Regardless, I don’t enjoy the idea of me being stuck in a position with no way out.

 

I spent the day thinking through situations in which you could or could not escape from. Relationships? You can leave. Family? You can leave. School? You can leave. Job? You can leave. Basically the only things I came up with that are unescapable and something you can never change, is your past and experiences, including race and ethnicity. Everything else you have the opportunity to change or work past. Now, however long that takes, I have no idea, I’m still working through it. But even the more personal situations such as addictions, personality traits, and preferences, can all be altered and made better or worse.

 

I get the question, “Why can’t you just stop working and hang out? Like, come on Alexandra. Stop being so uptight and quit work for a bit….” Well, of course that question hits me in the back of the head, making me wonder how I should answer such a simpleminded question in a way that oozes grace and love. However, very little people understand that no, I can’t just take off work when I want to. I have a dream and goals in mind and will do anything to get the job done, including missing out on some different things when I have to work to pay for the life I want.

The thing is, I know what it’s like to live very well and I know what it’s like to go without heat and electricity, eating packed lunches schools give to their underprivileged kids so they have food on the weekends. I know what it’s like to live very well, to go on spring break trips to beautiful ski lodges and summer trips to the Greek islands, but I also know what it’s like to work three jobs and come home absolutely exhausted to find your mom asleep on the couch because she has no room and no bed. Did you know that my mom slept on a couch in our make shift living room for two years so my siblings and I could sleep in our own beds in the little shack we lived in. A lot who are reading don’t get it, but guess what, it’s okay. It’s all about our experiences that make us who we are. I can’t expect you to fully get what it is like, BUT, you can sure try.

For me, one of the things I can’t stand, other than unnecessary noises and when people leave their tooth paste containers twisted and gross looking, is when someone has an opportunity but wastes it. We all know those people, the ones who had great test scores and got a full ride to college, only to drop out after failing so hard the first year, or the beautiful person who could do so well for themselves based on their natural talent, only to never take the opportunity because they just don’t care enough. I take offense to these types of people. I try to take every side of an argument into consideration, so I don’t take my opinions on things lightly. However, when you are given an opportunity or have a gift, you better take it by the horns. If you are so lucky to have parents who will pay for your schooling and life, then you better believe I expect you to go to class and do well. It just truly stings to see person after person complain about their lives or their trouble over such trivial things, when they don’t even understand what others have to try so hard for. I come home after going to my classes, doing my homework, working late, to  listen to others complain about their extremely hard lives, about how their parents wouldn’t give them an extra hundred dollars this week, even though they pay for their schoolings, car, phone, housing, ect;

I’m so sick of the noise.

I’m so sick of the noise.

This weekend I had the absolute pleasure of taking my mama out on the town when she came to see me We went to dinner and took her out to Salsa night where we danced the night away!!! (I’m always down for Latin night!!!)

I should probably get back to studying for my midterms (woooo) but thank you so much for all of your support. Your private messages and comments remind me why I am writing and who I am writing for. I go a little crazy sometimes because of all the content I have in my head, but finding the right words and TONE always stops me from going full manifesto on all of you. Thank you.

Really loved this song and felt very empowered as I walked from class to class, braving the sharpness of the Arkansas wind. Have a great rest of your week and we’ll see ya next Tuesday. Have a safe and fun spring break. Enjoy it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPLxNLQKIQI

Today’s Mantra:

“What I focus on is what I create, positive or negative, it’s up to me. I AM creating my reality.”

Love easy.

Blessings, A