Little Alexx Blog

Every person who has come in and out of my life has been for a reason, much to my delight or dismay. I was talking to my roommate about this a few days ago, about how a person can change a life but it has to be the perfect timing to make the largest impact possible. Have you ever met someone and thought, how had I never met you before now?? Some of the most important people in our lives come to us this way, but what about the people who are supposed to be in our lives, regardless of situations and experiences?

For me, I was raised without a father for most of my life. Why did I have this life? Why was no one there to love and protect me when I was young? I can only justify my experiences as the backdrop to a very theatrical and electrifying performance of my life. This is my story, my script, my adventure. I truly believe that had I been raised with two parents and a nice picturesque home life, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today. I doubt I would be at the University of Arkansas, studying philosophy, or even writing this blog, (with tattoos and piercings no doubt!!!!!) As someone close to me once said, “We are so privileged to be unprivileged.” Because of my past, I am better able to stand upon the mountain of my accomplishments shedding light onto the shadows of my valleys.

For those who don’t know my story, here is some of it:

I was raised in a small town of Branson, Missouri by my ridiculously awesome mom. I also regrettably had a really shitty biological father who hung around like a leech in a murky lake, only AFTER my mom divorced him. As I learn from others mistakes, I know that I will never, and I mean never, allow anyone to ever treat me bad in a relationship.    Based on social and religious norms, we are raised to protect our families, stay together, and work out our problems, right? If we pray, then God will fix a situation and it gets better, right? I don’t agree. Thoughts, prayers, and sending good vibes are wonderful to let others know you are thinking about them in situations where we have our hands tied. However, in situations in which are CAN do something, why don’t we? We were made with functioning minds and bodies to ACT. While we can still have faith and hope that things get better, that doesn’t mean we should just play dead and wait for a miracle to happen. We are the miracles. We have a choice to DO SOMETHING and MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

So, after almost 20 years of marriage to a man who was so bitter and sad, drowning in his addictions, cheating, and abuse, my mom did the unspeakable (shocker!) and left the sorry loser. Good for her. For the first time in her life, she broke social norms and did something for HER. As a mother, as a woman, as a person. She is strong. She is brave. She is my hero. Now, she has a blooming business, a man who not only loves and adores her, but also loves and adores her children, and has a testimony that can go on to help others with their struggles in life.

So, what can we learn from this?

First off, she got married young at 21, pressured to fulfill her overwhelmingly shortened timeline of being married and having babies. Of course, I know plenty of people who have married young and wanted this life, but my plea to you, reader, is that you choose the life you wish to have because YOU want it and are ready for it. She has admitted to me that while it looked good on the outside, on the inside and behind closed doors, she wasn’t happy and there was a lot to hide. The lesson I take from this is that I refuse to make the same mistakes of others. As a young adult, I fear we judge our parents and older generations too quickly. Why we don’t have to agree, we must admit the fact they have indeed lived longer and therefore have experienced more. If not taking their advice, at least we can look upon their actions and learn from their mistakes.

I won’t let anyone hurt me, mentally, physically, or emotionally.  I won’t let anyone hold anything against me. When a child comes into the picture, you go from thinking about yourself and then begin to think only about the child, as my mom did. However, it was her downfall for a short while. She stayed with a man because she wished to keep her children safe and secure. For me, if I’m not happy, I’m getting the hell out of there. I won’t be brought down. Of course we are supposed to support and help our loved ones, but when is it too far gone? For those with addictions, we want to help, but sometimes, you have to be selfish if your own personal happiness and safety is at risk.

I won’t be told I don’t deserve love. I deserve love. I deserve happiness. I deserve the best life possible. And guess what, so do you, even if you don’t think so.

Then you say to me, Well Alexandra, what about forgiveness and loving others? My response, as quoted from the great Ms. Kesha: Some things only God can forgive. I can only come to terms with my past and work that much harder to change my future.  I beat the statistics. I am living my best life.

There is so much more to be said on this subject, but of course, you’ll have to read more about it when my book comes out.

While the rain is still persistent, it is needed to produce life.  Remember that. Embrace it, spread joy, and go hug your mom.

Today’s Mantra: 

“As I acknowledge and allow my emotions, I open the door to healing and peace. I AM developing Emotional Awareness.”

Love others, for you don’t know the road in which they’ve traveled to get here.

blessings, A