Another week, more progress! I always feel weirdly sluggish after coming back to “real life” after a holiday, especially when another one is just a few short weeks away. I am leaving for a few weeks to be with family and finish up this quarter of classes, so I’m trying to do as much as possible now before the New Year! I’m also very excited to be with the family again. My last visit was too short. At the same time, damn, I am falling so deeply in love with my life here. I’m so proud of myself, for not only sticking to my goals but also exceeding them. You go, Alexandra.
This visit, I’m leaving just a bit early from Charleston to go back to Fayetteville to officially walk at my graduation! I. Am. So. Pumped!!!! I’ve already planned to be with my girlfriends and I could probably cry by how much I miss them. I gotta say, I was hesitant on if I wanted to go to graduation or not until my bestie flat out asked me if I would regret not going. Granted, there are going to be many many more graduations for me throughout my life, but Fayetteville will always hold a piece of my heart. I really loved my time there. I was looking through my Facebook the other day and came across a video of the symphony playing our fight song, and I got this weird overwhelming ache in my chest, of just pride for belonging somewhere. I never felt that with my high school and god knows Arkansas football can take a lesson or two, but dang. I loved being a hog. WPS!
Normally this time of year, I feel as though I’m barely hanging on. The days are shorter, it’s dark out earlier, and the desire to stay in my warm bed and never leave again takes over. This year, wow. A complete 180, friends. I am THRIVING. It’s amazing what can happen to you when you put yourself first and do what YOU want to do. I am sticking by my goals and letting myself breathe for the first time in a really long time. I’m 23 in a month, and I don’t have time to waste!
Romanticize your life. Go out with really cute boys. Throw your head back and laugh if you think something is funny. Do it all and enjoy in front of you. That’s the most difficult thing for me. Enjoying what I have in front of me, the not worrying too far into the future. I shut myself down. I turn myself off to opportunities because I’ve logically calculated if something will turn out well or not. WRONG. STOP THAT. Be safe, be smart, but damnit, be happy.
Sometimes when I have a day off, I go in and teach at the local schools. It’s fun for me to do this because I’m able to interact with students in real life, rather than strictly online. I teach all grades, all subjects, but in my heart of hearts, I just love those little babies. When I teach, I go by Miss T, because Tsahiridis is way too difficult for an adult to possible say, much less children. Throughout my day, as I walk the halls and the campus, I hear “Miss T!!! Miss T!!!” all over the place. What can I say, I have a little fan club.
To get in the spirit of the holidays, today I was reading The Polar Express to my kindergarteners. I think it’s such a brilliant little book and as the most charismatic teacher I know, I of course have to do the different voices for each character. So, the part at the end, when the boy is talking about how the silver bell made the sweetest ringing sound and how the parents and eventually as his friends got older, and couldn’t hear the ringing because they didn’t believe anymore…I literally had to stop reading, clear my throat, and dab my eyes because I was getting so dang emotional! Thankfully 5 year olds can’t pick up on the fact their teacher is having a slight emotional breakdown in front of them, so nothing even crossed their minds but I just couldn’t stop thinking about this loss of innocence we experience as we grow up. When I am with these kids, I see them giggling and playing so happily with their toys, so proud that they can spell ‘cat’ and how they just randomly come up to you and hug your leg. When did we lose that? Why did we lose that? What stopped us from being that joyful? Why does it become more difficult to enjoy ourselves, to laugh, to relax. To be proud of the small stuff we do. To love so fully and completely. I’m not saying go and hug someone’s leg, but when did we lose that sense of admiration and devotion to another person? Imagine yourself as a 5 year old. Would you ever say the things you say to yourself to that kid? Our self talk can be pretty mean. I for sure will admit I can be pretty damn cruel to myself sometimes. If I’m not willing to say it to a 5 year old, why would I say it to myself? Forgive yourself. Relax. You’re still a 5 year old, even in your 25, 35, 45, 55, 65 year old body. Treat yourself as such. Love deep. Love fully. Be proud of yourself. And giggle like a kid.
Enjoy your life. You only get one.
Today’s Mantra:
“I AM going through changes.”
blessings, a
Little Alexx Blog 