As I am learning, making friends as an adult is hard. We are no longer in the sandbox at preschool yet why does it feel so dang difficult to connect with someone? Oh the joys of being in school. For me, I had a different new best friend every year. They really weren’t my best friend, not like the one I have now, they were just there. Every single day. A friend of convienience? As we graduated high school and moved our separate ways onto college, the group of girls I called my friends slowly dwindled. We each went our separate ways, doing what we wanted, growing out of the constraints of living in a small town. Some of us went to school, some stayed back and got married, some went into the work force. Either way, it wasn’t that we didn’t like each other anymore, it was just that we eventually didn’t have much in common…
It’s a sad feeling, when you know you have outgrown someone. I used to feel that way with my clothes. When I was younger, I would settle on one pair of clothing that just felt comfy and normal. In 2nd grade, it was my new balance pink tennis shoes. I don’t remember why I loved them so much but to this day I remember exactly how it felt to wear them. They just fit. Perfectly. In 3rd grade, I loved probably the most disgusting colored sweater. It was orange, lime green, and purple. I wore that thing out. Definitely a security blanket. Eventually my arms got too long, the zipper broke and it went to the donation bin, or so my mom thought. I still have in, safely wrapped up with my favorite stuffed animal and favorite blanket. Eventually I’ll show my kids one day and I’m sure they will be just as confused to my attachment with it just as my mom was.
People are like clothing. The better quality ones last you the longest. The better you treat them, the better they treat you. It’s an investment, like all relationships. However, just like when you were little and growing, one day, you may look down and see that your jeans are a bit too short on your ankles and that sweater is climbing up your arms. You too can grow out of people, and there is nothing wrong with that.
We are constantly growing, stretching ourselves at times to our limits emotionally, mentally, and physically. But god, it feels good to know that it’s because we are alive to do so. It’s uncomfortable, it’s stressful, and it’s downright exhausting. When I think of myself physically being pulled. We know that feeling. That good burn of touching our toes. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it feels as though we are finally able to breathe.
So. When we do grow, we shift and shape our lives to that growth. Have you ever been around a child and thought, dear lord, you are a mess and so young! It is odd for me to experience that and know that once ago someone thought of me that way. How young you were, dear reader. How long you were as a toothless child, as a moody teenager who thought the world hated them, as a struggling young adult, as middle aged and wondering what’s next. How embarrassing but also how delightful that we are able to look back and see how far we have come.
Friends help shape us. They are stepping stones of shaping our personalities. Our passions and fears. While they may not have a role to play for very long, perhaps just a few month or a few years, they were important in shaping you to who you are today. Remember that. Even if you don’t speak anymore, maybe give them a quiet thank you today.
Finding new friends in a time in our lives when it is difficult to find friends is, well. Difficult. Actually, it feels downright impossible. For me, all of my friends lives less than 10 minutes from me in high school and in college. While it was daunting, the idea of exploring new people when I was a fresh filly of 18, I also had a ridiculous amount of opportunities. Freshman orientation leaders and RA’s practically pushed us to be together and unless you were that person to hiss at someone else, it wasn’t too difficult to find someone you could at least get semi along with, which eventually led to being friends with them. Cool. We lived with them, we partied with them, we could see them every day in class and it was the life, right? God I miss those days.
Eventually, life goes on. College ends. People graduate. A freaking pandemic rips your world apart. I move to an island hundreds of miles away from absolutely everyone and everything I love. And I start over. Jesus Christ. This is so difficult to do. Where do people meet people IN A PANDEMIC?! I work online. I do school online. I have no coworkers. My neighbors are 80 years old. My best friend is my dog. My human best friend is states away. What do we do? We persist. We get uncomfortable. We try and try again. Believe me, it’s hard for everyone I meet. We make friends. We grow.
Today’s Mantra:
“I AM more than okay with growing and making new friends.”
blessings, a
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