Way to be consistent on here, huh? Okay okay, I have an excuse right??? Unprecedented times and all…? Nah, not really an excuse. It’s just difficult sometimes. I make my hot tea in the morning and have a million ideas in my head about posts, went on a run and figured out world peace, took a shower and created my opus…. get to the computer and…… nothing. Nothing at all. A complete blank mind. We’ve all heard of writers block but can it really last this long?? I’ll admit, I feel like the past few months, my posts have been a shell of what they once were. I used to write because it meant something, because I had something to say! I was angry! I was passionate! I was heartbroken! Now, I’m…. happy. Odd. They do say that the best art is produced in a melancholy state. I would have to agree. I was angsty little thing these past few years. But damn! It really helped produce some good writing!
I’m perplexed. I look to my writing, as it has been a saving grace for me these past years, as a gauge on me as a person. How am I? How am I, really? I am trying to be content with being happy. I have felt happiness throughout the years, obviously. But this is a new kind of happiness, a happiness that is going to last.
2016… 18. The very best of the years… a wake burying my past, moving to college, away from my family for the first time, a chance to reinvent myself, new name, new identity, new friends, new relationships, new experiences. We drank and laughed and cried and sang “Closer” by The Chainsmokers over and over again till the sun came up. Hookah bars, late night eating chips and queso, an abundance of choker necklaces, my first car completely demolished, a spin class taken once and never again. A new found love for education. But all the while wondering…Who am I?
2017… 19. older, wiser. A bit more calm. Thought I was cooler because I wasn’t a freshman anymore. Began this blog. The year of bangs, tattoos, a romance with philosophy, new friends, old friends, figuring out who Alexandra wanted to be. Bad decisions, good decisions, dating good guys. Dating bad guys. Tried to be a “cool girl”. A couch bought, an ear pierced, modeling invested in, many concerts attended, too many plants, claws for nails, cooler music, whiskey drinker, a BAD ASS!!! Still cried during Iron Giant. Who am I?
2018… 20. The end of my teen years. A beautiful summer, the year the awful idea of bangs finally grew out, more tattoos were added, heartbreak happened again, well documented throughout this blog. Again, I mourned and grew. The year I went back to therapy, the year that broke me and made me revisit all that I had thought I had buried back in 2016. Junior year, worrying about what I wanted to do after graduation. Wondering if I made the right choices. Tried online dating, mistake, but have enough content to write a novel. Who am I?
2019… 21. Vegas, Hawaii, Greece, Chicago, and many more. The year of travel. Of seeing the world as an adult. The world is my oyster. Bars, drinks, learning how to figure out life. New jobs. Single. Learning to love myself, learning to be okay with myself. Figuring out what I believe in. Finding love in the form of a puppy. Who am I?
2020….22. Senior year, living alone for the very first time. Coming home to a happy pup. Mourning a new loss. soaking in all that college has to give. Early mornings taking Hemy out in my robe, late nights shuffling to get food in my pajamas. No one to impress, no one to judge me. Planning on moving into a van and traveling the country. freaking my friends out for my plans. Invested time and energy into my lost love of yoga. Bachelor Monday with Mary Elizabeth and Magnolia, therapy on Tuesday, dog park on Wednesday, Sunday drinks and appetizers with the girls, a schedule, time goes quick, then slow, and in a blink, it’s March and I am moving in with my grandparents in a town I said I never wanted to be in again. Live through a pandemic, that was supposed to end in May. Download Tik Tok. Delete Tik Tok. Download Tik Tok. Start talking to a cute boy. Meet a cute boy. Kiss a cute boy on the first date. Meet cute boy’s family. Move halfway across the country two days later. Start a new life.
2020: September. Charleston, South Carolina. Learning life, writing blog posts, doing school, loving my relationship, meeting friends, exploring my city, and of course, trying to figure out who I am.
Today’s Mantra:
“I AM figuring out who I am.”
blessings, a
Little Alexx Blog 