Snuggled on my couch, rewatching pride and predjeice for the zillionth time (no shame) Hemy is snuggled up next to me, very upset that I had to give him a bath after rolling in the mud… we have been going HARD the past few weeks, working out consistently every day. We have been running every day, and I never knew Hemy was such an athlete, although one of the days he was so tuckered out, he just laid on the ground and made me carry him home (DRAMA QUEEN!!) My body hurts but feels good. It feels stronger. It’s been a minute since I have worked out hard, pushing myself. My yoga studio here is still closed and I personally don’t feel comfortable going to another studio, so it feels nice to be doing something!
While Hurricane Laura and Marco aren’t headed to us, it has been raining like crazy the past few days…. picture below for just how much it rained last night. It’s still raining….
This past week has truly emphasized my desire to be patient. Not only with others but also with myself. With school beginning again for people, whether online or in person (y’all won’t be there for long, I give it 3 weeks at the most that schools are stay in person….) all the memories on my social media have come back up, as well as just missing being on a college campus, but man I’m jealous. I really really loved college. Having hated high school and wishing every moment to leave, I will fully admit that I loved being on campus, the freedom I felt when I first arrived, and I have always loved back to school time. Life is completely 180 for me now and I am still struggling to get a grip on it.
Patience. For myself, means forgiving myself if I’m not having a good day. It means allowing myself to have emotions and feel them. It means allowing myself to watch Pride and Prejudice 3 times at the minimum at least. It also means that even if getting out of bed and taking a shower was the only thing I got accomplished for the day, it was a job well done.
It’s been a good past few weeks. Even if I have wanted to be lazy all day and do nothing, I have pushed myself to get into routine, to make my bed, take a shower, make some food, do my homework and go work out. It’s been something to look forward to every night, looking back at my day, with a sore body knowing I accomplished something. I’m trying to be more patient and forgiving with myself, as my therapist tells me often, I put too much pressure on myself. Which, I don’t disagree with.
I struggle hard with being a perfectionist. I want to be the best I can be, which isn’t a bad thing….. sometimes. However. I’m human. I fail. I lose my temper, more often than I’d like. And as much as I want to be the best girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend, I often find myself being disappointed, as I feel many people do, with themselves. However, like I would give the benefit of the doubt to my friend, I must also give myself the same benefit. Don’t we all deserve it?? Especially now. We are living in uncharted times, when life is extremely unexpected, and I feel like as a culture, we are not only expected but strongly encouraged to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and carry on… however… sometimes, what is best, is to give yourself some grace. You’re only human, my dear.
All I know I can do, is that tomorrow will be a new day, whatever has been done is passed and to learn how to be better and of course, to be patient with myself.
Today’s Mantra:
“I AM forgiving myself for not having it figured out yet.”
Blessings, a
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