It’s weird being back on here. Gotta admit, I’m about to throw my computer against the wall because it’s not working and I’m writing this on my phone, so the format may look a wee bit different.
So 3 months off. Well, let’s recap with Alexandra’s life in 2019. I bought a car, after my precious ‘Satan’s Mistress’ died on me this spring. (My first week of school, she also died in the middle of absolutely nowhere Missouri… fun!!)
I got a pup, my sweet baby, who is currently snuggled up next to me on the couch wearing a little Halloween sweater because I’M THAT MOM….It’s a really special thing to take care of something other than myself. I alway say that my plants are my babies, but they don’t need as much care a puppy. He follows me around, and cries when I leave, and when he gets scared or hurt, he come and lays on me. I know I sound silly, but it’s a beautiful thing to be loved by a dog.
I went to Hawaii, then traveled all the way across the world to my homeland of Greece. I took a spontaneous trip to Chicago to see my sweet friends and enjoy a weekend in the windy city, and then booked a flight to Florida, where I spent 3 days doing absolutely nothing by the beach and the pool.
It was a blast. and much needed for me. However, this summer hasn’t been only fun and games. When I wasn’t traveling, I was working every day, saving up money for this upcoming school year and all my bills, including my car and totally spoiling Hemingway. 
As much fun as I had this summer and beginning of the school year. I have been distant from this platform. Obviously. Every Tuesday, I feel this nag to write, knowing I have a deadline to meet. But I just can’t get myself to take a moment alone and write. Why? Well, honestly, I guess I’m struggling with what to say. As someone who has NEVER had a problem speaking my mind, I have been completely blank on what to say. In the time I haven’t written, I’ve done a lot of thinking. I hope to soon tell you all about it. This summer, I laughed, I cried, I prayed, I ate beautiful food, I found plenty to be amazed in, I was disappointed in some, but all in all, this season of my life was a beautiful one. 
Every summer is different, as I look back on last year. This time last August, I was struggling with going back to school, turning my very serious relationship into a very serious long-distance relationship. Every little road trip I took was with someone else, and it was beautiful. This summer, it looked a little different. This summer, I traveled alone. It was weird, and sometimes frightening, but I enjoyed it. I am enjoying this season of my life, of being alone, because I know that one day, traveling alone will be a thing of the past. It already kinda is, as little Hemingway leaps into my car every time we go somewhere. He loves a good road trip, starting out in the passenger seat, his little head out the window with him too long of a tongue hanging out of his mouth, until he ends up coming to snuggle in my lap, eventually falling asleep. 
As I finish up my last year of school in Arkansas, I look forward to what my life holds for me. I took the GRE test for grad school in the beginning of September, and apply to schools by December. I will fully admit, I have no idea what the next few months hold for me. I had a, well, we can call it a minor mental breakdown a few weeks ago and basically told Morgan, my best friend, that if I don’t get into the grad school I want, I’m going to do it all online and move to Italy. Her response? Alexandra… you don’t speak Italian.
Ah, but I can learn!
This is my first time living alone. My (ex-)roommate and best friend is graduating and moving on with her life. I won’t have her sweet face to come home to every night, our random dance parties in the middle of the night, her constant love and encouragement when I slip into my dark moments. She took care of me the past few years, and I appreciate the hell out of her. This year, I will have little bear with me, who is basically a real life teddy bear, but as my therapist and I discussed, I’m going to be doing this year just a little differently. I want to prioritize myself and my body and mind better than I did last year. I come with good intentions, wanting to work hard and take care of others, but in the end, I’m not as productive as I can be, because I don’t take care of myself. I don’t know if I will get admitted to school, or where I’m going to live. All I know is that I have a goal, a dream, and I’ll do whatever it takes to achieve it. But, sometimes it’s best to give myself some grace and a few moments to enjoy the moment I’m in.
Today is the first day in which I feel like it’s really almost October. I am drinking a bit chocolate, wearing a sweatshirt, and it’s absolutely pouring outside. As much as it’s been so stupidly hot out, I’m sad to see summer and the heat slowly leave. I guess mostly because I know what the next few months will be like. 
This summer was honestly a huge shift for me. In more ways than one, a lot of different doors closed for me. And I’m still working through how to process it all. The key word is that I’m still working through it!
You see, if you follow me on social media, life looked grand, didn’t it? I was skirting across the globe, visiting different cities every week, experiencing amazing things. And yeah, I totally did that. And holy shit, it felt amazing. After getting back from Hawaii and Greece, I remember looking for flights to different places because of how good it felt again, to be away from my life. There, I could be anyone. Do anything. 
That’s not reality though. Reality is the fact I’m just a girl who doesn’t know what the hell actually going on. Still!!! And it’s been 3 years since I started this blog, and I’m right there with ya. Clueless, young, dumb, poor (!), and brave enough to keep up the fight.
Welcome back friends. I’ve missed you.
Today’s Mantra:
“I AM ready for a new beginning.”
Love always,
blessings, a
Little Alexx Blog 