I have no control over anyone in my life. I only have control over my actions and reactions to others. This is a difficult recognition in my life, due to the fact I do like being in control of what I would consider stable parts of my life. However, I have to remind myself that while someone may affect my life and I think I need them in my life, it’s not just my life  that is affected. Sometimes people have to leave for a reason. They need to, even if they don’t want to.

While there are some who leave, there are some who come into your life so unexpectedly that you don’t realize just how powerful they impact your life until you are able to view the damage or improvement they made. This is something I take to heart. You know when you stay up late at night watching a movie or in my case reading, knowing you have to be up super early the next morning? In the moment, you aren’t really tired but you know you’ll have hell to pay before dawn. You know you’re making a mistake but it doesn’t seem like one until you actually pay the price (ie. bloodshot eyes and a really grumpy attitude, as my mom always likes to point out *tips hat to mom*

Have you ever met someone and thought… uh oh. This is going to hurt.

Well, let’s talk about that. Either you march on, exploring the unknown of that person or you back away in fear.

Let’s talk about fear. Let’s talk about anxiety. I feel it creeping into my life. Call me crazy, but I have this slight fear of being hurt. I’m actually really downplaying the slightness of fear I feel, but even admitting that seems to be a bigger issue than the fear itself.  I know I’m not the only one, who pushes back on feelings to avoid them. Maybe not to avoid the good feelings because of course we all want to feel love, but the fear of feeling the consequences that are bound to happen. I am a realist in certain aspects of my life, and I just don’t know what to feel. Heartbreak magically has more of an impact on the soul than feeling loved.

The Better Version of Myself:

Live out your fears. Love. Enjoy the moment, the present and rejoice in the joy you feel. Take every moment as your last. It is a waste of time to fear. Sure, let’s say you get hurt at the end of the story, but at least make the ride worth it. If you’re going to go out, go out having a good time. You are living your best life and you deserve to be as happy as possible with a limited amount of time you are being offered. You have a 50/50 shot of being happy. What if it works out for the best? You wouldn’t even know if you didn’t at least try. Take the deal and love with your whole heart.

Real Life Me:

This is going to hurt and I know it. I’m setting myself up for failure and when I get hurt, I’m going to be so mad that I knew exactly what I was doing. Sure, I enjoyed myself, but I basically worried the whole time, and still got hurt. ow ow ow ow ow, my heart. Ouch. I can’t believe I ever allowed myself to feel that way. Ew.

The Judgment:

Yeah, there is a chance you will get hurt. A big chance. and it’s going to hurt. No doubt about it. You’ll feel heartbreak. But what if you don’t? What if there was a tiny sliver of hope that it works out? That there is no more hurt or fear? Higher the risk, higher the reward. You’ll be missing on so much more than just feeling. You’ll miss out on experiences and opportunities. We have a limited time on this earth, being put in places that will provide the most for us. Embrace it. Love it.

 “Oh, what do I do with this love of mine? Do I break all the rules or draw back to the line?”

Today’s Mantra: 

“Whatever the world may throw my way, I AM embracing all with love and appreciation.” 

Love now, love later, love always.

blessings, a